Hungover Happy Poppy
Happy Poppy, one of the most popular stars of The Soap Cupboard, was the star of her own red carpet drama today.
Booked to open Melbourne’s hottest new coffee house / baby scorpion petting zoo, Happy Poppy rocked up late to the opening looking worse for wear & clearly drunk.
Barely able to announce & thank the sponsors for their contributions, she & her entourage displayed a shocking lack of professionalism by giggling & falling over each other, mimicking baby scorpions stinging each other, & snorting with laughter. A couple of Happy Poppy friends were unable to get themselves up off the floor & were later carried out by fans to continue on at another party. Happy Poppy was overheard saying ‘Why would anyone want to pat a freakin’ baby scorpion, though?’
‘Scandalous!’ someone yelled from the crowd.
Happy Poppy was given copious amounts of coffee & was forced to wait it out until her publicist, Gina Loop arrived to make a brief soap sale / apology statement.
‘On behalf of Happy Poppy & The Soap Cupboard, we would like to offer an apology to ‘The Coffee Sting’ for today’s disturbance. Happy Poppy had a terrific time at a party thrown by George Clooney last night & unfortunately felt some pressure to keep up with Brad Pitt. She’s very embarrassed & hopes that she might make it up to you by offering you $6 Happy Poppy soap bars. They do look worse for wear as they are extremely hungover but there’s nothing wrong with them. Well, apart from being morons & making my job more difficult,’ said Loop.
‘And I would just like to say,’ Happy Poppy slurred, ‘that I drank Pitt under the TABLE! Enjoy the soap sale, Poppers. Hiccup.’
Happy Poppy was escorted out of there shortly afterwards & Brad Pitt was unavailable for comment at the time this went to print.
*Latest batch of HP soap bars oxidized too much during the first few hours of curing. Sometimes it happens. It looks ugly but they’re just as good. x